I discovered Gnosticism quite by accident. I didn't even know it existed until I was reading a book written by my favorite psychic, Sylvia Browne. I had watched her on television for years and when I learned that she had written a book about being a psychic, I wanted to read it. My sister got me the book for my birthday and I enjoyed the read. In it, Sylvia talks about God and Heaven, which she calls the Other Side, along with some other stuff that I'll get into later. I became very curious about what she wrote because it felt very . . . right. At the end of the book, there was some information on study groups that she had formed and I inquired. Everything I have learned about and from the Novus Spiritus group feels right to me. I'll explain that in detail later.
Gnosticism, in a nutshell, is defined as seeking truth and knowledge. Therefore, Gnostic Christians are seekers of truth and knowledge while following the example of Christ. What you are about to read may sound far-fetched to you. That's okay. One thing I have learned in these studies is you cannot convince someone who does not want to be convinced. And that's okay. I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I'm just giving you an insight into what I've learned and what I believe to be, if not the truth, then the closest thing to the truth that I've ever heard.
Having said that, if you do not read this, I will completely understand. What I don't want is someone commenting or writing to me that I am wrong or a blasphemer. Because I am not. I don't want to start a religious debate into which religion is right and which is wrong. That's not my intention here. However, if you are curious and have an open mind, you just might find this interesting.
Gnostics believe that there is a duality in Heaven; i.e., there is a Father God (who's name is Om), and a Mother God (who's name is Azna). It is written in the beginning of the book of Genesis, "Let us make man in our image." If God made man in his image, and then made woman, does it not stand to reason that there is a male and a female in Heaven? "Let US make man in OUR image." Then God said in order for man to multiply, he must couple with a woman. "Let US make man in OUR image." Think about it for just a moment. When we are born, we have a mother and a father. Doesn't it stand to reason that when we are born into Heaven, we would have a mother and a father? It makes perfect sense to me!
Father God is the immovable mover without emotion; the beginning and the end; has always been and will always be. He cannot take a form and cannot, therefore, experience life on this planet, except through us. Mother God, on the other hand, has emotion and can take a form; therefore, she is the one who watches over us from our level - here on this planet. When you pray to God, even tho you may say "Father God," it's Mother God who is usually listening. Mother God answers most of the prayers. She is more able to manipulate circumstances and outcomes in our lives. Even though she doesn't get the recognition she deserves, she is getting more now than she has in a very, very long time. You see, it was once commonplace for people to pray to Mother God and Father God. But then the Catholic church was formed and to get more power over the people, they took the feminine principal out of the teachings, and out of the Bible. It made the women of the time more inferior to the men and the men were then better able to manipulate the women to do their bidding. You see, people were not educated back then. What knowledge they were able to garner came mostly from the church. And the church controlled how much knowledge their people received by reading to them the rules and laws of God and the land. I could go into so much more details to show how the Bible was manipulated to give the church more power but that's not why I'm writing this. So let me move on....
Gnostics do not believe there is a hell. We do not believe that God condemns some people to a place called hell. We believe that we are, right now at this very moment, in hell. We believe that God is an all-loving God with no vengeance, hatred, anger. Those are human emotions that we have placed upon God. (Again, it goes back to the church wanting control over their people.) God knows only LOVE. We were created out of love. They had such an abundance of love that it could not contain itself and souls were created. For a long time, we (the souls) lived in Heaven with our mother and our father but we didn't learn a whole of anything and we began to ask questions. So they made it possible for us to learn. We are born of this place with a specific purpose: to learn and experience for God. We experience what the Father cannot. Then, when we die and return home, we take with us what we have experienced and what we have learned and we share it with Him. And because He loves us, He doesn't make us come here alone. He gives us guides and angels to protect us while we are here. Well, our angels protect us, our guides help us to stay on our chosen paths.
Gnostics believe that we have lived many lives on this planet and that we are on our last lives here. We have incarnated - or reincarnated - many times. Why? To learn, of course. This is basically what happens (not exactly, but you'll get the basic idea): Before you are born into this world, you go to God and say to Him, "God, I would like to have a new experience from which to learn." God says, "Okay. What would you like to learn and/or experience?" The two of you confer over what you have already learned and what you would like to do differently. Perhaps you were once a rich, white woman who owned slaves. So maybe this time around, you would like to know what it would feel like to be a poor, black man. This is just an example, you understand? So together you and God lay out what experiences you'd like to have while you are here. When it's all written out, God says, "Are you sure this is what you want?" You say YES. So he asks you to sign a contract that says you will complete your mission as written. (By the way, you write in EVERY LITTLE THING you will experience, including who your parents will be.) Then you are born and you live your life, or follow the path that you have set. Then when you die and go back home, you go into a room where you review that path. Once you have reviewed it, you get to talk to God about what you did and what you learned. After you discuss it, God says, "You have done well, my child. Would you like to do that again?" And you can say yes or you can say no. It's your decision. And because life at Home (on the Other Side) is so perfect and beautiful, oftentimes we will write for ourselves some pretty horrific experiences. Our guides stay with us during our entire stay here to help us stay on our mission, on our path. Our guides, by the way, are very close friends on the other side. Someone whom we trust and with whom we have made an agreement. And they never go away - EVER. They are bound to us for our entire stay. Because we can't see him or her, your guide will usually communicate to you through dreams, intuition, and/or that little voice inside your head helping you to make a decision - you know, the one you usually ignore. Our Angels don't communicate with us; they just keep a watchful eye on us and will step in to protect us in extreme situations. Those stories you read about or hear about where someone "saw" an angel... they probably did.
Anyway, there's so much more to say but I'm out of time. However, I don't want to leave you with unanswered questions, as I'm sure you have them. If you didn't before, you do now! Please feel free to email me any questions you might have about Gnosticism. I will do my best to answer them. I will not, however, respond to any emails telling me that I'm wrong, that I'm being misled, etc. If you have an honest question, or are curious to know more, I'm more than happy to share what I know!
God Bless You and Love You
I do!
22 January 2010
21 January 2010
Spirituality vs Religion
This is a subject on which I will likely post often. Before I introduce you to Gnostic Christianity, let me first share with you my views on Spirituality vs Religion.
I was raised by parents who did not attend church. My father was made to go to church every Sunday when he was growing up, so as soon as he was able to make that decision for himself, he chose to never return. My mother, I believe, was raised Catholic, but I emphatically remember her claiming to be an atheist at one point when I was younger. She denies ever having said it now, but I do remember her saying it. In any case, when I was asked by my mother if I wanted to go to church, I said yes. I was curious. So, it was decided that I would go to the church where my grandmother was a member, where, presumably, my father went to church when he was a boy. It was a southern Baptist church. Apparently, the story goes that my grandmother was raised in a four-square church, but when she married my grandfather, who was born and raised in Kentucky, he requested a Baptist church, and so that's where they went. I started going to church in the 4th grade. I remember my 4th grade Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Turner. She had a daughter who was a little younger than myself - Tina - and twin daughters. She made Sunday school fun and I learned a lot that year from her. I continued going to church every Sunday through high school. My grandmother paid for me to go to camp a couple of times with my class when I was in 5th or 6th grade and again when I was in 7th or 8th grade. I remember being saved and accepting Jesus Christ into my heart during the last summer camp I attended. I had even asked to be Baptized but it was decided that I wasn't yet old enough to make that choice. So I have never been Baptized.
While I thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie of Sunday school, the older I got, the more I began to question what I was being taught. I had questions that weren't being adequately answered. At least, I wasn't getting the answers for which I was searching. Why, for example, do church people refer to themselves as "God-fearing Christians" when God is all-loving? Also, why would God only accept a certain kind of person into Heaven and send the rest to Hell? If God is our father, doesn't he love us all the same? I wanted to know. Finally, I stopped going to church all together.
I returned to church periodically over the years, but none that I had attended ever sounded convincing to me. When my middle son was a baby, my husband and I attended church for two years. He only went because I deemed it necessary for our family. He was willing to do whatever I wanted to keep the marriage happy (back in the days when he was still compromising). I found what I thought was a good church. They didn't preach money (as in tithe 10% of everything you own) and I was learning quite a lot. But what made me stop going to church was the hypocrisy I discovered in my Bible study class. During the last class that that I attended, the discussion had turned to whether or not the congregation should allow gay people to worship with us. I sat and listened to the people with whom I had been social for the last two years condemn the lifestyles and choices of gay people. These same people who claimed to live their lives in the footsteps of Christ. Who claimed to love their neighbors. Finally, I couldn't listen anymore. I raised my hand to speak and when acknowledged, I stood up and said, "Jesus was asked of all the ten commandments, which is the most important. And Jesus said, the most important is the first commandment which says to love God your father with all of your heart, all of your soul and all of your mind. And the second commandment is just as important, to love your neighbors as you love yourselves. That is all we have to remember. How can we call ourselves Christians if we do not love our neighbors, regardless of their orientations?" And I sat down. That was the last day my family went to church.
I used to read the Bible. I would set my alarm clock for 5am. I would get up and fill the tub with super hot water and I would light candles. Then I would grab my Bible and I would read it while I sat in the tub. I've read the Bible, cover to cover, at least three times. Can I quote Bible verses? Only a few. I didn't memorize the Bible. I know some of the stories, but most of it is lost somewhere in my memories. I told you that to tell you this: I know that the Bible was written by man's hands and is therefore not entirely accurate. I went to church with people who honestly believe that the Bible is 100% accurate, cover to cover. I do not think that way. I'm a little more realistic. I know, for instance, that when King James had the Bible written for his people in a language they could understand, he asked the translators to add certain things to his Bible because he wanted to be in control of his people. King James was afraid of witches, so it was written into the King James version of the Bible that witch craft and witchery are against God's law and therefore not allowed. I don't want to get into a debate with anyone over the validity of the Bible, regardless what version you read. I know that I can never convince anyone who believes the Bible is 100% accurate that it isn't. And I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm just telling you what I believe.
I have done quite a lot of research on how religion was formed and its effects on our history. I learned, for example, that Catholicism is one of the oldest religions out there. But it's not the oldest. I learned that it was the Catholic church who was responsible for starting the Dark Ages, mostly with their greed of power. I learned that the Catholic church was not necessarily started to teach people about God but rather to obtain certain possessions that it felt were rich in value, such as land. They saw a way to profit from the people who were anxious to learn and willing to follow. Somewhere along the way, they had it written into the Bible that God said to make him happy you had to give your possessions to the church or you would go to hell.
But, somewhere in the new testament, Jesus mentions that the body is a temple; that we don't need a building to talk to our Father, but only need a quiet mind. No where in the original writings did it ever say you had to build a church in order to be loved by God. God does not want our money. He has no use for it. It's the church that wants our money. The church needs our money to grow. Churches nowadays aren't looking for money for the same reasons as the church of old did. I can't fault the churches of today for wanting us to tithe. They are of the belief that the Bible is 100% truth, cover to cover. But, the church of old was greedy, plain and simple. They set the standard by which we now practice when we go to church.
To me, spirituality is the relationship we have with our Father. All God really wants is to have a relationship with us. What father doesn't want to have some kind of relationship with his children? We don't necessarily need religion in order to have that relationship. Church can help us learn how to do that, if we need that help. But one should not feel obligated to have to go to church in order to have a relationship with God. All you need is a quiet mind and an openness to listen. He's there. He's listening, watching. He's kind of like Santa Clause: He can see you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake; He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake. Everyone has a dad. Some of us are parents with children. Let's stop and think for just a moment. How much do we love our children? How much do we love our parents? As an adult, do you still talk to your mom and dad (assuming they are still alive)? As a parent, do you wish for the best for your children? If you think of God in the same regard that you think of your earthly parents, or your children, then you can get a better perspective on what kind of relationship God would like to have with you. Just because you can't see Him, doesn't mean you can't talk to Him. And you don't have to talk to Him only in prayer, or only when you're hurting, or only when you're down and out, or only when you need his help. You can talk to Him anytime you want about anything that you want. I talk to Him all the time. I tell Him things that he already knows, but it gives me something to talk about. Sometimes I talk aloud when I'm working all by myself. Sometimes, I bounce ideas off of Him. But, the important thing is, I have a relationship with Him.
And by extension, I have a relationship with His son, Jesus. I admire Jesus. I look up to Jesus. I live my life the way I perceive Jesus would if he were here in this time. I love everyone. I accept everyone. I help as many people as I can when I can. I don't turn away when I see "strange" people, because everyone is a child of God. We are all here for a purpose. Many people wonder what our purpose is. I know my purpose. I know why I'm here. One of my duties is to shine a bright light in the desert for all to see; to be a beacon of knowledge; to teach and to learn and to experience for God. God knows what my path is. He has given me guidance to ensure that I stay on my path. I think this might be part of that path. In fact, I know it is. It is part of the light that I am supposed to shine. I won't go into details right now... that will come later.... but this is what I've learned from my Gnostic teachings.
Basically, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I've denounced churches and will only go as a friend with a friend when invited. But I won't join a church ever again. I don't have anything against churches, per se, I just don't want to be there. I will not, however, denounce God... EVER. I will keep my relationship with Him, as I've done these past 10 years, simple and to the point. And I will share with those willing to listen what I have learned. And I know that I am making my father proud!
I was raised by parents who did not attend church. My father was made to go to church every Sunday when he was growing up, so as soon as he was able to make that decision for himself, he chose to never return. My mother, I believe, was raised Catholic, but I emphatically remember her claiming to be an atheist at one point when I was younger. She denies ever having said it now, but I do remember her saying it. In any case, when I was asked by my mother if I wanted to go to church, I said yes. I was curious. So, it was decided that I would go to the church where my grandmother was a member, where, presumably, my father went to church when he was a boy. It was a southern Baptist church. Apparently, the story goes that my grandmother was raised in a four-square church, but when she married my grandfather, who was born and raised in Kentucky, he requested a Baptist church, and so that's where they went. I started going to church in the 4th grade. I remember my 4th grade Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Turner. She had a daughter who was a little younger than myself - Tina - and twin daughters. She made Sunday school fun and I learned a lot that year from her. I continued going to church every Sunday through high school. My grandmother paid for me to go to camp a couple of times with my class when I was in 5th or 6th grade and again when I was in 7th or 8th grade. I remember being saved and accepting Jesus Christ into my heart during the last summer camp I attended. I had even asked to be Baptized but it was decided that I wasn't yet old enough to make that choice. So I have never been Baptized.
While I thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie of Sunday school, the older I got, the more I began to question what I was being taught. I had questions that weren't being adequately answered. At least, I wasn't getting the answers for which I was searching. Why, for example, do church people refer to themselves as "God-fearing Christians" when God is all-loving? Also, why would God only accept a certain kind of person into Heaven and send the rest to Hell? If God is our father, doesn't he love us all the same? I wanted to know. Finally, I stopped going to church all together.
I returned to church periodically over the years, but none that I had attended ever sounded convincing to me. When my middle son was a baby, my husband and I attended church for two years. He only went because I deemed it necessary for our family. He was willing to do whatever I wanted to keep the marriage happy (back in the days when he was still compromising). I found what I thought was a good church. They didn't preach money (as in tithe 10% of everything you own) and I was learning quite a lot. But what made me stop going to church was the hypocrisy I discovered in my Bible study class. During the last class that that I attended, the discussion had turned to whether or not the congregation should allow gay people to worship with us. I sat and listened to the people with whom I had been social for the last two years condemn the lifestyles and choices of gay people. These same people who claimed to live their lives in the footsteps of Christ. Who claimed to love their neighbors. Finally, I couldn't listen anymore. I raised my hand to speak and when acknowledged, I stood up and said, "Jesus was asked of all the ten commandments, which is the most important. And Jesus said, the most important is the first commandment which says to love God your father with all of your heart, all of your soul and all of your mind. And the second commandment is just as important, to love your neighbors as you love yourselves. That is all we have to remember. How can we call ourselves Christians if we do not love our neighbors, regardless of their orientations?" And I sat down. That was the last day my family went to church.
I used to read the Bible. I would set my alarm clock for 5am. I would get up and fill the tub with super hot water and I would light candles. Then I would grab my Bible and I would read it while I sat in the tub. I've read the Bible, cover to cover, at least three times. Can I quote Bible verses? Only a few. I didn't memorize the Bible. I know some of the stories, but most of it is lost somewhere in my memories. I told you that to tell you this: I know that the Bible was written by man's hands and is therefore not entirely accurate. I went to church with people who honestly believe that the Bible is 100% accurate, cover to cover. I do not think that way. I'm a little more realistic. I know, for instance, that when King James had the Bible written for his people in a language they could understand, he asked the translators to add certain things to his Bible because he wanted to be in control of his people. King James was afraid of witches, so it was written into the King James version of the Bible that witch craft and witchery are against God's law and therefore not allowed. I don't want to get into a debate with anyone over the validity of the Bible, regardless what version you read. I know that I can never convince anyone who believes the Bible is 100% accurate that it isn't. And I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm just telling you what I believe.
I have done quite a lot of research on how religion was formed and its effects on our history. I learned, for example, that Catholicism is one of the oldest religions out there. But it's not the oldest. I learned that it was the Catholic church who was responsible for starting the Dark Ages, mostly with their greed of power. I learned that the Catholic church was not necessarily started to teach people about God but rather to obtain certain possessions that it felt were rich in value, such as land. They saw a way to profit from the people who were anxious to learn and willing to follow. Somewhere along the way, they had it written into the Bible that God said to make him happy you had to give your possessions to the church or you would go to hell.
But, somewhere in the new testament, Jesus mentions that the body is a temple; that we don't need a building to talk to our Father, but only need a quiet mind. No where in the original writings did it ever say you had to build a church in order to be loved by God. God does not want our money. He has no use for it. It's the church that wants our money. The church needs our money to grow. Churches nowadays aren't looking for money for the same reasons as the church of old did. I can't fault the churches of today for wanting us to tithe. They are of the belief that the Bible is 100% truth, cover to cover. But, the church of old was greedy, plain and simple. They set the standard by which we now practice when we go to church.
To me, spirituality is the relationship we have with our Father. All God really wants is to have a relationship with us. What father doesn't want to have some kind of relationship with his children? We don't necessarily need religion in order to have that relationship. Church can help us learn how to do that, if we need that help. But one should not feel obligated to have to go to church in order to have a relationship with God. All you need is a quiet mind and an openness to listen. He's there. He's listening, watching. He's kind of like Santa Clause: He can see you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake; He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake. Everyone has a dad. Some of us are parents with children. Let's stop and think for just a moment. How much do we love our children? How much do we love our parents? As an adult, do you still talk to your mom and dad (assuming they are still alive)? As a parent, do you wish for the best for your children? If you think of God in the same regard that you think of your earthly parents, or your children, then you can get a better perspective on what kind of relationship God would like to have with you. Just because you can't see Him, doesn't mean you can't talk to Him. And you don't have to talk to Him only in prayer, or only when you're hurting, or only when you're down and out, or only when you need his help. You can talk to Him anytime you want about anything that you want. I talk to Him all the time. I tell Him things that he already knows, but it gives me something to talk about. Sometimes I talk aloud when I'm working all by myself. Sometimes, I bounce ideas off of Him. But, the important thing is, I have a relationship with Him.
And by extension, I have a relationship with His son, Jesus. I admire Jesus. I look up to Jesus. I live my life the way I perceive Jesus would if he were here in this time. I love everyone. I accept everyone. I help as many people as I can when I can. I don't turn away when I see "strange" people, because everyone is a child of God. We are all here for a purpose. Many people wonder what our purpose is. I know my purpose. I know why I'm here. One of my duties is to shine a bright light in the desert for all to see; to be a beacon of knowledge; to teach and to learn and to experience for God. God knows what my path is. He has given me guidance to ensure that I stay on my path. I think this might be part of that path. In fact, I know it is. It is part of the light that I am supposed to shine. I won't go into details right now... that will come later.... but this is what I've learned from my Gnostic teachings.
Basically, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I've denounced churches and will only go as a friend with a friend when invited. But I won't join a church ever again. I don't have anything against churches, per se, I just don't want to be there. I will not, however, denounce God... EVER. I will keep my relationship with Him, as I've done these past 10 years, simple and to the point. And I will share with those willing to listen what I have learned. And I know that I am making my father proud!
18 January 2010
Equality for all
Not that long ago, I reposted a status update on Facebook that said something to this effect: If you know anyone who is gay, please repost this as your status for one hour. 93% of the people will not repost it. We are hoping for ACCEPTANCE for all people. Not that's not exactly what it said, but it's pretty close.
I have a friend who immediately challenged that post. He commented that he was tired of it being thrown in his face by the gays how they wanted special treatment. Another FB friend posted it wasn't about special treatment, it was about acceptance and equality. Later, that friend who challenged the post called me and said he didn't necessarily believe in equality for gay people so much as he believed in equality for ALL people.
I am of the belief that everyone has the right to their opinion and should be given the right to express their opinion. I didn't challenge him back, just merely stated why I had decided to repost it. When he called, the first question out of his mouth was, "Are you gay?" "No," I told him. "I have a lot of friends who are gay." And I do. I have a LOT of gay friends, most of whom are in committed relationships. I cherish those friends. Mostly because I know how difficult it is for them to be accepted for who they are. I am the type of person who accepts people for who they are, no questions asked, and love them for their individuality. I don't judge people... it's not my style.
But my friend's statement of equality for ALL people struck me hard. Because ultimately, isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we strive for? Our founding fathers wrote into the Constitution that all men were created equal. They may have phrased it wrong, but they had the right intentions. Later, egotistical, machoistic (if that's even a word) men decided that the statement meant only "white men" were created equal and deserved certain inalienable rights. Less than 100 years ago, women had no rights in this country and we had to fight for any rights, including the right to vote. Less than 50 years ago, black people had no rights in this country and had to fight for their rights, including the right to vote. Gay people don't necessarily have to fight for the right to vote, because that's already been covered. But they do have to fight for their equality, which is actually guaranteed to them via the Constitution of the United States. So the mere fact that they have to fight for those rights is ludicrous.
Of course, there are more openly gay people now than ever before making it much easier for them to be accepted into mainstream society. I hate that I had to write that. Why can't we just follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ and love our neighbors as we love ourselves? Why can't ALL of us just live by the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated? If we could just follow the example already set forth by a great leader, Jesus Christ, this world would be a much better place to live in. Jesus accepted and loved everyone with whom he came into contact, regardless of their race, creed, orientation, religion, or disease.
That's how I live my life. I hope that it shows.
I have a friend who immediately challenged that post. He commented that he was tired of it being thrown in his face by the gays how they wanted special treatment. Another FB friend posted it wasn't about special treatment, it was about acceptance and equality. Later, that friend who challenged the post called me and said he didn't necessarily believe in equality for gay people so much as he believed in equality for ALL people.
I am of the belief that everyone has the right to their opinion and should be given the right to express their opinion. I didn't challenge him back, just merely stated why I had decided to repost it. When he called, the first question out of his mouth was, "Are you gay?" "No," I told him. "I have a lot of friends who are gay." And I do. I have a LOT of gay friends, most of whom are in committed relationships. I cherish those friends. Mostly because I know how difficult it is for them to be accepted for who they are. I am the type of person who accepts people for who they are, no questions asked, and love them for their individuality. I don't judge people... it's not my style.
But my friend's statement of equality for ALL people struck me hard. Because ultimately, isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we strive for? Our founding fathers wrote into the Constitution that all men were created equal. They may have phrased it wrong, but they had the right intentions. Later, egotistical, machoistic (if that's even a word) men decided that the statement meant only "white men" were created equal and deserved certain inalienable rights. Less than 100 years ago, women had no rights in this country and we had to fight for any rights, including the right to vote. Less than 50 years ago, black people had no rights in this country and had to fight for their rights, including the right to vote. Gay people don't necessarily have to fight for the right to vote, because that's already been covered. But they do have to fight for their equality, which is actually guaranteed to them via the Constitution of the United States. So the mere fact that they have to fight for those rights is ludicrous.
Of course, there are more openly gay people now than ever before making it much easier for them to be accepted into mainstream society. I hate that I had to write that. Why can't we just follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ and love our neighbors as we love ourselves? Why can't ALL of us just live by the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated? If we could just follow the example already set forth by a great leader, Jesus Christ, this world would be a much better place to live in. Jesus accepted and loved everyone with whom he came into contact, regardless of their race, creed, orientation, religion, or disease.
That's how I live my life. I hope that it shows.
17 January 2010
Losing Weight is not so easy
I was talking to a friend of mine who is also overweight and considering having the lap band installed. I told him, "You don't need surgery to lose weight. Just a determination to win." I truly believe that.
For years and years, I was told that I would be so pretty if only I would lose weight. For the longest time, whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat person looking back at me; therefore, I perceived myself to be ugly. It was only recently, when I developed a different outlook on myself, that I stopped seeing an ugly girl in the mirror.
What changed my outlook on myself? Me.
Because I was told that if I lost weight I would be pretty, I spent the better part of my adulthood dieting. Trying one diet after another, and realizing they didn't work. DIETS DON'T WORK. They don't work because after a short period of time on a diet, you realize that you are depriving yourself of the things that you love and give up the diet to have those things. If you go on the Atkin's diet, for example, you will lose weight as long as you follow the diet. That means no bread, no tortillas, no cake, no pasta - basically you can't have any carbohydrates that are made with flour and/or sugar. In the beginning, you convince yourself that you can do without those things. And the weight begins to come off and you begin to feel good. Then you find yourself in a situation where you tell yourself, "Just one bite." But that one bite is never enough. Next thing you know, you're eating sandwiches, wondering what ever possessed you to go on a diet that robbed you of this wonderful food. And forget ever going back on that diet. It never happens. So, whatever weight you were able to lose comes back and now you are yo-yoing your weight. Not a good plan.
I am not a breakfast eater. I realize now that that is not a good thing. However, it's hard for me to make myself eat breakfast when I'm not hungry in the morning. Even now, knowing that if I eat a healthy breakfast, I can lose a lot more weight, does not convince me to eat when I'm not hungry. Unfortunately, if I don't eat all day at work, I'll come home and consume all my daily calories in a short period of time. That's also not good. I do try to eat during the day. I sometimes make myself a sandwich (on whole wheat bread), and eat half in the morning and half in the afternoon. That's better than eating nothing all day.
What I've decided to do, to be a winner, is to eat as healthy as possible. I believe that as long I choose healthy foods - non-processed, home cooked meals, I can be healthier. And healthy has to be a better option.
I made a realization recently. Last summer, I did well with the healthier snack foods and lunches, mostly because I was working with someone who ate healthy snacks and meals. I felt good eating those healthier foods. Winter came - with the holidays - and I relapsed into eating not so healthy foods - what I call crap! A lot of pasta dishes, lots of cookies and whatnot from Christmas, a lot of processed meals - boxed dinners, skillet meals, stuff like that. And because I was eating crap, I felt like crap. It wasn't until Christmas this year that it hit me. Because this past summer and fall, I ate healthy. I still had processed foods and pasta dishes, but I ate less. I reduced my portions. And I cut out all the junk foods, and only do fast food once in awhile. I felt better again. My body felt better. I didn't lose weight, but the shape of my body changed. I think the weight loss wasn't showing on the scale, cuz I was developing some muscles that I had lost. I worked harder this past summer, thereby using more muscles.
I went to Idaho at Christmastime, and although I told myself I wasn't going to eat a lot of junk food, I did. I ate the cookies and candies my Aunt had made. And the more I ate, the crappier I felt. That was when the "eat crap = feel like crap" realization hit me. So, since I returned from Idaho, I haven't had any crap. Well, that's not exactly right. I have had some fast food fare, but not as often as I used to and I don't each as much as I used to.
It is more expensive to eat healthy. I won't lie to you. I am spending more money on groceries now than I did last year. But I'm cooking better foods. I told the boys (Jr and Nic) that we wouldn't be eating as much pasta this year. I'll be saving pasta dishes for special meals. Instead, I make rice - and not white rice - and potatoes for our starch. I am also making a salad to go with dinner every night. And I make veggies every night. So our meals now consist of a white meat (pork, chicken or turkey), veggies, salad, starch (rice or potato). And the portions are better. I only cook enough meat to feed the three of us a proper portion of protein, and I make enough salad and veggies so that they make up the largest portion of our meal. And we are walking away from the table satisfied. And my body feels better! AND, I'm losing weight.
It is possible to be fat and be healthy. I will never ever be thin. No matter how much weight I lose. But as long as I can move and I am healthy, that's all I care about. And with a mind set like that, I will win! I'm winning already!
For years and years, I was told that I would be so pretty if only I would lose weight. For the longest time, whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat person looking back at me; therefore, I perceived myself to be ugly. It was only recently, when I developed a different outlook on myself, that I stopped seeing an ugly girl in the mirror.
What changed my outlook on myself? Me.
Because I was told that if I lost weight I would be pretty, I spent the better part of my adulthood dieting. Trying one diet after another, and realizing they didn't work. DIETS DON'T WORK. They don't work because after a short period of time on a diet, you realize that you are depriving yourself of the things that you love and give up the diet to have those things. If you go on the Atkin's diet, for example, you will lose weight as long as you follow the diet. That means no bread, no tortillas, no cake, no pasta - basically you can't have any carbohydrates that are made with flour and/or sugar. In the beginning, you convince yourself that you can do without those things. And the weight begins to come off and you begin to feel good. Then you find yourself in a situation where you tell yourself, "Just one bite." But that one bite is never enough. Next thing you know, you're eating sandwiches, wondering what ever possessed you to go on a diet that robbed you of this wonderful food. And forget ever going back on that diet. It never happens. So, whatever weight you were able to lose comes back and now you are yo-yoing your weight. Not a good plan.
I am not a breakfast eater. I realize now that that is not a good thing. However, it's hard for me to make myself eat breakfast when I'm not hungry in the morning. Even now, knowing that if I eat a healthy breakfast, I can lose a lot more weight, does not convince me to eat when I'm not hungry. Unfortunately, if I don't eat all day at work, I'll come home and consume all my daily calories in a short period of time. That's also not good. I do try to eat during the day. I sometimes make myself a sandwich (on whole wheat bread), and eat half in the morning and half in the afternoon. That's better than eating nothing all day.
What I've decided to do, to be a winner, is to eat as healthy as possible. I believe that as long I choose healthy foods - non-processed, home cooked meals, I can be healthier. And healthy has to be a better option.
I made a realization recently. Last summer, I did well with the healthier snack foods and lunches, mostly because I was working with someone who ate healthy snacks and meals. I felt good eating those healthier foods. Winter came - with the holidays - and I relapsed into eating not so healthy foods - what I call crap! A lot of pasta dishes, lots of cookies and whatnot from Christmas, a lot of processed meals - boxed dinners, skillet meals, stuff like that. And because I was eating crap, I felt like crap. It wasn't until Christmas this year that it hit me. Because this past summer and fall, I ate healthy. I still had processed foods and pasta dishes, but I ate less. I reduced my portions. And I cut out all the junk foods, and only do fast food once in awhile. I felt better again. My body felt better. I didn't lose weight, but the shape of my body changed. I think the weight loss wasn't showing on the scale, cuz I was developing some muscles that I had lost. I worked harder this past summer, thereby using more muscles.
I went to Idaho at Christmastime, and although I told myself I wasn't going to eat a lot of junk food, I did. I ate the cookies and candies my Aunt had made. And the more I ate, the crappier I felt. That was when the "eat crap = feel like crap" realization hit me. So, since I returned from Idaho, I haven't had any crap. Well, that's not exactly right. I have had some fast food fare, but not as often as I used to and I don't each as much as I used to.
It is more expensive to eat healthy. I won't lie to you. I am spending more money on groceries now than I did last year. But I'm cooking better foods. I told the boys (Jr and Nic) that we wouldn't be eating as much pasta this year. I'll be saving pasta dishes for special meals. Instead, I make rice - and not white rice - and potatoes for our starch. I am also making a salad to go with dinner every night. And I make veggies every night. So our meals now consist of a white meat (pork, chicken or turkey), veggies, salad, starch (rice or potato). And the portions are better. I only cook enough meat to feed the three of us a proper portion of protein, and I make enough salad and veggies so that they make up the largest portion of our meal. And we are walking away from the table satisfied. And my body feels better! AND, I'm losing weight.
It is possible to be fat and be healthy. I will never ever be thin. No matter how much weight I lose. But as long as I can move and I am healthy, that's all I care about. And with a mind set like that, I will win! I'm winning already!
11 January 2010
Introduction
First of all, I'd like to thank you for showing an interest in my blog. It means a lot to me that you've decided to read this and try to gain an insight into my mind.
At times, my mind can go a thousand miles an hour; sometimes a mile a minute; sometimes there's nothing in there at all. When it is going a thousand miles an hour, I like to get what's in there out... this helps me to function better throughout my day. Otherwise, I get a lot of questions, like, "What's wrong with you today?" or "What's going on with you?" Questions of that nature.
I find that my job helps me to get my mind and my thoughts running. I have a fairly mindless job - I clean swimming pools - and I am by myself most of the time; therefore, there's nothing for me to do but get lost in my thoughts. When this happens, again, I like to get those thoughts out; otherwise, I find myself stuck on one subject, or past conversation, or thought.
Today was a fairly easy day, getting a lot done in a short amount of time. On days like these, my mind doesn't have as much time to get going. However, on days where I find myself stuck at one jobsite for a long period of time, that's when my mind goes bonkers.
Most of what I write will make sense to most of you. Some of it will make no sense at all, and that's okay. A lot of what I write here will eventually end up in a book, which I've already titled, "The Pool Lady. Thoughts, memories and experiences." A customer of mine gave me the idea last week when she came out to enjoy the sun and struck up a conversation with me. She said she found me fascinating and just before I left her yard, she said to me, "Someone should write a book about you and call it 'The Pool Lady.'" So that's where I got the idea to write all this stuff down. And since I'm already working on a fictional story that I hope to one day publish, I decided to blog these thoughts and memories and experiences so that no one can jump the gun on me and write it before I get the chance. This will also help me to purge my mind of these trains of thoughts so that I CAN write my fictional story without interference from my non-fiction life.
Having said that, I hope you find my blog entertaining and fascinating to read.
Thank you again,
Denise
At times, my mind can go a thousand miles an hour; sometimes a mile a minute; sometimes there's nothing in there at all. When it is going a thousand miles an hour, I like to get what's in there out... this helps me to function better throughout my day. Otherwise, I get a lot of questions, like, "What's wrong with you today?" or "What's going on with you?" Questions of that nature.
I find that my job helps me to get my mind and my thoughts running. I have a fairly mindless job - I clean swimming pools - and I am by myself most of the time; therefore, there's nothing for me to do but get lost in my thoughts. When this happens, again, I like to get those thoughts out; otherwise, I find myself stuck on one subject, or past conversation, or thought.
Today was a fairly easy day, getting a lot done in a short amount of time. On days like these, my mind doesn't have as much time to get going. However, on days where I find myself stuck at one jobsite for a long period of time, that's when my mind goes bonkers.
Most of what I write will make sense to most of you. Some of it will make no sense at all, and that's okay. A lot of what I write here will eventually end up in a book, which I've already titled, "The Pool Lady. Thoughts, memories and experiences." A customer of mine gave me the idea last week when she came out to enjoy the sun and struck up a conversation with me. She said she found me fascinating and just before I left her yard, she said to me, "Someone should write a book about you and call it 'The Pool Lady.'" So that's where I got the idea to write all this stuff down. And since I'm already working on a fictional story that I hope to one day publish, I decided to blog these thoughts and memories and experiences so that no one can jump the gun on me and write it before I get the chance. This will also help me to purge my mind of these trains of thoughts so that I CAN write my fictional story without interference from my non-fiction life.
Having said that, I hope you find my blog entertaining and fascinating to read.
Thank you again,
Denise
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