Being on a dating website really opens ones eyes to what men want. What I find really interesting is the type of woman for which they search. At least 90% of them put their idealistic woman as athletic and toned, slender, curvy, or about average. A few will actually put a few extra pounds as being okay, and even fewer will list full-figured. Are they serious?
One of the men who popped up in my search criteria wrote this in his bio: There's 6.79 billion people in the world and 1.9 million in the county where I live. I'm just looking for one. I believe that it is possible for two people who are mutually attracted to each other and that have compatible lifestyles to find each other. However, I don't like lop sided relationships where one is more attracted to the other. I been on both sides and I don't like it either way. I believe we need to be mutualy and equaly attracted to each other. I try to eat healthy, stay in shape and take care of myself. I am attracted to ladies who do the same. Although, I do admit, I like a fat juicy burger now and then too.
Naturally, I emailed him. I said, ""There's 6.79 billion people in the world and 1.9 million in the county where I live."
Do you know what sucks? That 90% of the men in this county are looking for this body type:
Athletic and toned
about average
slender
a few extra pounds.
I guess I'm screwed, huh?"
He replied: I believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just got to find them. Be patient and determined.
And keep seeking.
I couldn't let that go. I had to give him a reply. I said, "The problem I keep running into is the "thanks, but no thanks" response. I presume I'd get that from you, as well.
Seeking is easy. Finding, not so easy.
Good luck to you, however. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for, even if I don't."
I haven't heard back from him yet. Of course, he hasn't been on in three days. Still, it makes one wonder. Incidentally, he also listed his ideal mate to be athletic and toned, slender, curvy or average. Go figure. I'm thinking ... if he does answer back to my last email, I'm going to start an actual conversation with him. See how far he will let it go ... how far we can take the conversation. Of course, that's a big IF!
It's just so damn frustrating. I mean, I know I'm doing this strictly for research purposes, but still.... Why can't men admit that if they found the right woman, intellectually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, that it won't really matter what she looks like. I've already nabbed two husbands who weren't necessarily looking for a big woman. In fact, the second husband was looking at cocktail waitresses when he met me. I was definitely NOT his physical type. But I proved to be his type in every other area of life. (and they didn't break up with me... they would have been happy to stay with me... I broke up with them for different reasons) I guess if I'm going to change their minds, make them see that realistically the perfect woman for them might not have the perfect body, I'm going to have to argue my case better than I have so far.
24 September 2010
19 September 2010
Not all profiles are what they seem
I have to share this with you because it's so hard to believe. I received a "wink" on my profile. A 55 year old man from North Dakota looking for a woman who speaks English, said this about himself:
"I am delighted youthful appearance and cheerful mood man, I love to be with my family and a very sincere and honesty man to all satisfaction, I love to travel something seeing more of the world and also for fun, I love going to beach, camping, fishing and I play golf sometimes. I am here to seek a love that s ready for commitment and want to live by love and loved, you know where love don't exist sadness and hopeless take places, so I want a love and grow with love and dies with love.
I want a long term relationship, a love that is build on friendship, companion and care with pure feelings. I will appreciate a love with great sense of humor and one that really know what of love and relationship to live with good friendship and God fearing one. I will be showcasing more when we get along."
Seriously, if you know what he's trying to say, can you interpret for me?? LOL
I sent him a "thanks, but no thanks" response.
Also today I sent out a couple of emails on that site. I read one profile written by a man who wrote something to the effect of "don't wink me, put on your big girl pants and email me. If I see that you've looked at my profile but didn't do anything else, I will assume that you didn't find anything you liked." Those aren't his EXACT words, but it's pretty close. So I emailed him and let him know that sometimes a girl is interested until she reads what he is looking for in a mate and realizes that it's not she. I then suggested that if he was looking for an intelligent woman who had a great sense of humor and was friendly and fun to be with, he should chat with me. I haven't heard from him. Then I ran across another profile that said something about taking a chance and thinking outside the box and email those you find interesting because you never know what will happen. So I emailed him and said something about going outside of the box and emailing or winking men regardless of what their profile said they were looking for and for some reason, I'm still getting "thanks but no thanks" and suggested he should do the same (think outside the box) and talk with me. I haven't heard from him either.
And while I am writing this, my phone alerted me that someone has winked me. How much do you want to bet that he's another man living in some other area of the United States (supposedly) who doesn't speak, or write, English very well? That seems to be the only ones who "wink" me. My brother has the theory that they are outside of the US (in some 3rd world country, perhaps), looking for someone to send them money so they can come to the US and get their green card. I tend to agree with him. That's why some of these profiles don't feel like they are who they say they are. That's why I'm so cautious about who I wink or email.
"I am delighted youthful appearance and cheerful mood man, I love to be with my family and a very sincere and honesty man to all satisfaction, I love to travel something seeing more of the world and also for fun, I love going to beach, camping, fishing and I play golf sometimes. I am here to seek a love that s ready for commitment and want to live by love and loved, you know where love don't exist sadness and hopeless take places, so I want a love and grow with love and dies with love.
I want a long term relationship, a love that is build on friendship, companion and care with pure feelings. I will appreciate a love with great sense of humor and one that really know what of love and relationship to live with good friendship and God fearing one. I will be showcasing more when we get along."
Seriously, if you know what he's trying to say, can you interpret for me?? LOL
I sent him a "thanks, but no thanks" response.
Also today I sent out a couple of emails on that site. I read one profile written by a man who wrote something to the effect of "don't wink me, put on your big girl pants and email me. If I see that you've looked at my profile but didn't do anything else, I will assume that you didn't find anything you liked." Those aren't his EXACT words, but it's pretty close. So I emailed him and let him know that sometimes a girl is interested until she reads what he is looking for in a mate and realizes that it's not she. I then suggested that if he was looking for an intelligent woman who had a great sense of humor and was friendly and fun to be with, he should chat with me. I haven't heard from him. Then I ran across another profile that said something about taking a chance and thinking outside the box and email those you find interesting because you never know what will happen. So I emailed him and said something about going outside of the box and emailing or winking men regardless of what their profile said they were looking for and for some reason, I'm still getting "thanks but no thanks" and suggested he should do the same (think outside the box) and talk with me. I haven't heard from him either.
And while I am writing this, my phone alerted me that someone has winked me. How much do you want to bet that he's another man living in some other area of the United States (supposedly) who doesn't speak, or write, English very well? That seems to be the only ones who "wink" me. My brother has the theory that they are outside of the US (in some 3rd world country, perhaps), looking for someone to send them money so they can come to the US and get their green card. I tend to agree with him. That's why some of these profiles don't feel like they are who they say they are. That's why I'm so cautious about who I wink or email.
How many will I maybe?
As I lay in bed this morning debating whether or not I wanted to actually get up, a new profile message popped into my head. So when I was completely and fully awake, I went over to the dating website and changed my profile. This is what is says now:
"Hi there! My name is Denise. I'm fun to be with, easy to talk to and laugh often. I can hold my own in a conversation, and love it when the conversation gets so involved that we lose track of the time. I find the humor in nearly everything and I'm told I have an infectious laugh. I'm the quintessential optimist - the glass is always half-full and there's always a bright side to everything. I believe life is full of lessons, and I live my life as honestly as possible. Life's too short to not enjoy it. I'm looking for a friend who can be a companion and who will enjoy sharing what life has to offer. I am looking for a man who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated - with the same kindness and thoughtfulness with which I treat him. Someone who will appreciate my quirkiness and sense of humor. I'd like him to have a good self-esteem without being selfish and is able to appreciate my selflessness. I am not looking to get married. I feel as tho we were meant to have companionship throughout our lives and when that is missing, we can feel it tenfold. Friendship is an integral part of a good companionship, so I'd like to find a friend first. If the friendship is a good one, who knows where it will lead."
I don't know if this will work better than the last one, but there it is. When I logged in to make the changes, I saw that one more person had looked at my profile. He was 39, in the army, athletic and toned and not looking for a big and beautiful woman. My guess is I popped up on his search grid but I'm not what he is looking for. No biggie.
I do have 5 new matches. I thought we should go through them together!
Candidate number one is 48 years old, athletic and toned, has never been married and has no kids. He doesn't want children but it's okay if his partner has kids, and is a social drinker. In his own words: "I have a lot of interests, but the ones I spend the most time on are, music, TV (Tivo has really changed my TV viewing habits!), movies (especially DVDs), weekend getaways, and home remodeling (not necessarily in that order). I'm pretty low-keyed, and can be comfortable in almost any setting. Thanks again for looking! Write for more info. You can ask me anything, and I'll give you an honest answer. (Please be specific, i.e. not "tell me about yourself.") I'm looking for someone reasonably normal to spend quality time with. I'm not looking for perfection. Mostly I'm looking for someone who doesn't add too much drama (stress!) to my life. Someone honest and kind and easygoing, like me. Someone who has their life in some sort of order, or maybe has a plan to get somewhere." I think I'll give him a maybe and check his profile later.
Single man number two is 52, slender, divorced and has kids who live away from home. He's a protestant, social drinker who doesn't smoke. He's 6'6". Very tall and very thin. Probably not a good match for me. I'll write down his name and look him up for the complete profile tho, cuz I am curious what he put for his dates stats. He's a writer, which I like so he's a maybe.
Profile number three is 42 years old, athletic and toned, divorced with no kids. He's a social drinker who doesn't smoke and he's catholic. (too bad for him) In his own words, "Very outgoing man - Love to be busy with work and with play of course. I'm hoping to find someone that is as fed up as myself with the dating scene is Vegas. Anyone can get dates - but the person Im looking for wants to go on that second and third and so on. Looking for someone sporty but can also be a lady. Was born and raised in northern cal "wine country" and still love and miss it. " I think he's a no!
This next one sounds really desperate to find someone. Makes me wonder if he is who he says he is. He's 51, divorced with no kids, athletic and toned, a social drinker who doesn't smoke. In his words, "I am a intelligent, handsome, caring man looking for a friend to enjoy all the world has to offer. This is the best time of my life and I want to share it with you, a wonderful, fun loving, smart women who knows what she wants in life. I am strong in mind, body and heart, and always live life to it's fullest. We both have our feet on the ground and want that special someone in our world. I am a person that loves having a partner to share all life has to offer." And actually, based on what I'm reading, we are looking for the same thing, and we like the same places. He could be a maybe so I won't say no tho my instinct tells me I should.
This last one, I know I've read the profile bio before but not for this individual. That tells me this one isn't who he says he is. Here are the words, "would describe myself as fun-loving, caring, friendly, hopeless romantic and devoted. I am somewhat shy at first until I get to know someone if it is a one on one; but I also tend to cut up if I am in a crowd I am comfortable wearing a pair of jeans to a formal gown and is very versatile. I don't need a woman to complete me as I am okay with being by myself. But it would be nice to have that special someone in my life to share What I am looking for at this time is someone with the same interests to hang out. With the hopes that he would become my best friend and soul mate. I think the ultimate woman would be someone who was geniune, honest, fun to be around, caring, able to carry on a conversation with me, not at me." I think it's been copy and pasted (which is what I do to get it here) from somewhere else. Regardless what the other stats are or what his picture looks like, I'm going to say no. I have strong feelings on this one.
Now I'm going over to the search area to look up the profiles of those I maybe'd. The first one I'm looking up is the one that I think I will disregard... the one that my instincts tell me he's not who he says he is. As I suspected, he's looking for a woman 5'0" to 6'6". Those are his only qualifications. So I'm not going to do anything else. I'm gonna let it go.
Now I'll look at the first profile that I said maybe to. He's looking for a short, slender woman. I'm pretty sure I'll get the thanks but no thanks email, so I'll let this one go.
Last but not least, the really tall, thin guy is looking for someone 5'2" to 6'2" - so he likes 'em short. But he also wants her slender to average.. not even a couple of extra pounds. So I'll let him go as well.
I don't have to wink or email these men, because like the profile looker that I found this morning, then they log in, they'll see that I've looked at their profile and if they are curious about who looked, they'll come over and look at mine. I'll let you know which, if any, actually did look.
So that's what they gave me today. Although I've only just begun this journey, with each profile I read, I'm leaning more and more in the direction that these sites only work if you are fairly young, thin to average, and are deemed beautiful. I'm no longer young, have never been thing to average, and have no idea if I'm beautiful. But, I won't let that deter me... I'll continue to wade my way through their matches. What I'm really curious about is how long before the matches start to repeat themselves???
"Hi there! My name is Denise. I'm fun to be with, easy to talk to and laugh often. I can hold my own in a conversation, and love it when the conversation gets so involved that we lose track of the time. I find the humor in nearly everything and I'm told I have an infectious laugh. I'm the quintessential optimist - the glass is always half-full and there's always a bright side to everything. I believe life is full of lessons, and I live my life as honestly as possible. Life's too short to not enjoy it. I'm looking for a friend who can be a companion and who will enjoy sharing what life has to offer. I am looking for a man who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated - with the same kindness and thoughtfulness with which I treat him. Someone who will appreciate my quirkiness and sense of humor. I'd like him to have a good self-esteem without being selfish and is able to appreciate my selflessness. I am not looking to get married. I feel as tho we were meant to have companionship throughout our lives and when that is missing, we can feel it tenfold. Friendship is an integral part of a good companionship, so I'd like to find a friend first. If the friendship is a good one, who knows where it will lead."
I don't know if this will work better than the last one, but there it is. When I logged in to make the changes, I saw that one more person had looked at my profile. He was 39, in the army, athletic and toned and not looking for a big and beautiful woman. My guess is I popped up on his search grid but I'm not what he is looking for. No biggie.
I do have 5 new matches. I thought we should go through them together!
Candidate number one is 48 years old, athletic and toned, has never been married and has no kids. He doesn't want children but it's okay if his partner has kids, and is a social drinker. In his own words: "I have a lot of interests, but the ones I spend the most time on are, music, TV (Tivo has really changed my TV viewing habits!), movies (especially DVDs), weekend getaways, and home remodeling (not necessarily in that order). I'm pretty low-keyed, and can be comfortable in almost any setting. Thanks again for looking! Write for more info. You can ask me anything, and I'll give you an honest answer. (Please be specific, i.e. not "tell me about yourself.") I'm looking for someone reasonably normal to spend quality time with. I'm not looking for perfection. Mostly I'm looking for someone who doesn't add too much drama (stress!) to my life. Someone honest and kind and easygoing, like me. Someone who has their life in some sort of order, or maybe has a plan to get somewhere." I think I'll give him a maybe and check his profile later.
Single man number two is 52, slender, divorced and has kids who live away from home. He's a protestant, social drinker who doesn't smoke. He's 6'6". Very tall and very thin. Probably not a good match for me. I'll write down his name and look him up for the complete profile tho, cuz I am curious what he put for his dates stats. He's a writer, which I like so he's a maybe.
Profile number three is 42 years old, athletic and toned, divorced with no kids. He's a social drinker who doesn't smoke and he's catholic. (too bad for him) In his own words, "Very outgoing man - Love to be busy with work and with play of course. I'm hoping to find someone that is as fed up as myself with the dating scene is Vegas. Anyone can get dates - but the person Im looking for wants to go on that second and third and so on. Looking for someone sporty but can also be a lady. Was born and raised in northern cal "wine country" and still love and miss it. " I think he's a no!
This next one sounds really desperate to find someone. Makes me wonder if he is who he says he is. He's 51, divorced with no kids, athletic and toned, a social drinker who doesn't smoke. In his words, "I am a intelligent, handsome, caring man looking for a friend to enjoy all the world has to offer. This is the best time of my life and I want to share it with you, a wonderful, fun loving, smart women who knows what she wants in life. I am strong in mind, body and heart, and always live life to it's fullest. We both have our feet on the ground and want that special someone in our world. I am a person that loves having a partner to share all life has to offer." And actually, based on what I'm reading, we are looking for the same thing, and we like the same places. He could be a maybe so I won't say no tho my instinct tells me I should.
This last one, I know I've read the profile bio before but not for this individual. That tells me this one isn't who he says he is. Here are the words, "would describe myself as fun-loving, caring, friendly, hopeless romantic and devoted. I am somewhat shy at first until I get to know someone if it is a one on one; but I also tend to cut up if I am in a crowd I am comfortable wearing a pair of jeans to a formal gown and is very versatile. I don't need a woman to complete me as I am okay with being by myself. But it would be nice to have that special someone in my life to share What I am looking for at this time is someone with the same interests to hang out. With the hopes that he would become my best friend and soul mate. I think the ultimate woman would be someone who was geniune, honest, fun to be around, caring, able to carry on a conversation with me, not at me." I think it's been copy and pasted (which is what I do to get it here) from somewhere else. Regardless what the other stats are or what his picture looks like, I'm going to say no. I have strong feelings on this one.
Now I'm going over to the search area to look up the profiles of those I maybe'd. The first one I'm looking up is the one that I think I will disregard... the one that my instincts tell me he's not who he says he is. As I suspected, he's looking for a woman 5'0" to 6'6". Those are his only qualifications. So I'm not going to do anything else. I'm gonna let it go.
Now I'll look at the first profile that I said maybe to. He's looking for a short, slender woman. I'm pretty sure I'll get the thanks but no thanks email, so I'll let this one go.
Last but not least, the really tall, thin guy is looking for someone 5'2" to 6'2" - so he likes 'em short. But he also wants her slender to average.. not even a couple of extra pounds. So I'll let him go as well.
I don't have to wink or email these men, because like the profile looker that I found this morning, then they log in, they'll see that I've looked at their profile and if they are curious about who looked, they'll come over and look at mine. I'll let you know which, if any, actually did look.
So that's what they gave me today. Although I've only just begun this journey, with each profile I read, I'm leaning more and more in the direction that these sites only work if you are fairly young, thin to average, and are deemed beautiful. I'm no longer young, have never been thing to average, and have no idea if I'm beautiful. But, I won't let that deter me... I'll continue to wade my way through their matches. What I'm really curious about is how long before the matches start to repeat themselves???
18 September 2010
My Profile
Since I know you're curious what my profile says and how it's laid out, I will tell you all about it now.
I have a total of 8 pictures of me on my profile; all of which are current within a year. Only one picture isn't a head shot of just me. It was taken at Christmastime in Idaho and it was snowing. I'm wearing my Old Spice racing jacket, and I'm holding Andy, and Nic and Tony are standing next to me.
It says that I am a 43-year-old woman in North Las Vegas, Nevada, seeking men 37-55 within 25 miles. I am currently separated, have children who live at home, don't want kids but it's okay if my partner has kids. I am big and beautiful, at 5'6". I'm spiritual but not religious, smoke daily, and am a social drinker.
My bio part I have changed about 10 times in 3 weeks. The first format looked like this: ME: blah blah blah. YOU: blah blah blah. I changed the verbiage on that a couple of times. But I wasn't getting much of a response, so I changed the format after about a week. Then I went to a long dissertation about who I was and what I was looking for. And changed the verbiage on that a couple of times. Then I went to this: WHO am I? blah blah blah, WHO am I looking for? blah blah blah WHAT am I looking for? Friendship, companionship, a date once in awhile, and if it feels right, who knows where it may go. That also didn't get a lot of response.
It's funny. I wonder if the no thank you's are because of what I wrote on my bio, so I change it A LOT, but I really know that the no's are because of my being "Big and Beautiful." But I'm not changing that!
Currently, this is exactly what my bio says: ""Life's not fair, is it?" My favorite opening line of all time. Can you name the movie?
I can tell you all the things that you read in every profile. But you won't know how many of them are true unless you write to me or talk to me. The problem is, most of you will look at my picture and decide that I'm not the one for you. But how can you tell from a picture? A picture won't tell you if I'm smart or intelligent. It won't tell you if I know how to have fun. It won't tell you if I have a great laugh. There's only one way to find out. So take a chance. Wink me or email me."
Then it says I have dark brown hair, hazel eyes, what kind of sports and exercise I like and how many time I exercise (I put 1-2 days a week). It shows my interests, which I listed as camping, coffee and conversation, exploring new areas, fishing/hunting, movies/videos, museums and art, music and concerts, playing cards. These I chose from a list they provided. I don't remember what all was on the list, but I figured even tho I have many more interests, I chose the ones that I tend to actually partake rather those that I hoped to do. It says I'm in labor/construction (again, I had to chose from a list and this was closest), speak English and have had some college. I am a liberal in my politics, my sign is Aquarius, I have a dog, some fish and exotic pets, and that I like birds and horses (as pets).
Now my list about my date. I put that I am looking for men between 5'8" and 6'4" who speak English, are spiritual but not religious or Christian/other, and who don't drink, drink moderately or drink occasionally. I put that last part because I don't want someone who puts they drink regularly. I don't mind a drink every now and again, but not someone who needs it every day. Been there, done that; no thank you! The rest of the questions I didn't put a preference cuz seriously I don't care. They are hair, eyes, body type, ethnicity, education, job, income, smoke, relationships, have kids, want kids.
And from this, the majority of the matches they send me, probably about 85% to 90% of them, the men are athletic and toned or slender or about average but aren't looking for heavyset or big and beautiful women. If I want to find a guy that is slightly overweight or heavyset, I have to go into the search area and weed through a lot of matches to find some. They are out there, but, not as many as I expected. And here's something interesting... I have either emailed or winked every heavyset, stocky or otherwise overweight guy that had similar interests as me and guess what? Not a single one of them has gotten back to me with a positive result. Go figure.
I have a total of 8 pictures of me on my profile; all of which are current within a year. Only one picture isn't a head shot of just me. It was taken at Christmastime in Idaho and it was snowing. I'm wearing my Old Spice racing jacket, and I'm holding Andy, and Nic and Tony are standing next to me.
It says that I am a 43-year-old woman in North Las Vegas, Nevada, seeking men 37-55 within 25 miles. I am currently separated, have children who live at home, don't want kids but it's okay if my partner has kids. I am big and beautiful, at 5'6". I'm spiritual but not religious, smoke daily, and am a social drinker.
My bio part I have changed about 10 times in 3 weeks. The first format looked like this: ME: blah blah blah. YOU: blah blah blah. I changed the verbiage on that a couple of times. But I wasn't getting much of a response, so I changed the format after about a week. Then I went to a long dissertation about who I was and what I was looking for. And changed the verbiage on that a couple of times. Then I went to this: WHO am I? blah blah blah, WHO am I looking for? blah blah blah WHAT am I looking for? Friendship, companionship, a date once in awhile, and if it feels right, who knows where it may go. That also didn't get a lot of response.
It's funny. I wonder if the no thank you's are because of what I wrote on my bio, so I change it A LOT, but I really know that the no's are because of my being "Big and Beautiful." But I'm not changing that!
Currently, this is exactly what my bio says: ""Life's not fair, is it?" My favorite opening line of all time. Can you name the movie?
I can tell you all the things that you read in every profile. But you won't know how many of them are true unless you write to me or talk to me. The problem is, most of you will look at my picture and decide that I'm not the one for you. But how can you tell from a picture? A picture won't tell you if I'm smart or intelligent. It won't tell you if I know how to have fun. It won't tell you if I have a great laugh. There's only one way to find out. So take a chance. Wink me or email me."
Then it says I have dark brown hair, hazel eyes, what kind of sports and exercise I like and how many time I exercise (I put 1-2 days a week). It shows my interests, which I listed as camping, coffee and conversation, exploring new areas, fishing/hunting, movies/videos, museums and art, music and concerts, playing cards. These I chose from a list they provided. I don't remember what all was on the list, but I figured even tho I have many more interests, I chose the ones that I tend to actually partake rather those that I hoped to do. It says I'm in labor/construction (again, I had to chose from a list and this was closest), speak English and have had some college. I am a liberal in my politics, my sign is Aquarius, I have a dog, some fish and exotic pets, and that I like birds and horses (as pets).
Now my list about my date. I put that I am looking for men between 5'8" and 6'4" who speak English, are spiritual but not religious or Christian/other, and who don't drink, drink moderately or drink occasionally. I put that last part because I don't want someone who puts they drink regularly. I don't mind a drink every now and again, but not someone who needs it every day. Been there, done that; no thank you! The rest of the questions I didn't put a preference cuz seriously I don't care. They are hair, eyes, body type, ethnicity, education, job, income, smoke, relationships, have kids, want kids.
And from this, the majority of the matches they send me, probably about 85% to 90% of them, the men are athletic and toned or slender or about average but aren't looking for heavyset or big and beautiful women. If I want to find a guy that is slightly overweight or heavyset, I have to go into the search area and weed through a lot of matches to find some. They are out there, but, not as many as I expected. And here's something interesting... I have either emailed or winked every heavyset, stocky or otherwise overweight guy that had similar interests as me and guess what? Not a single one of them has gotten back to me with a positive result. Go figure.
5 New Matches
I checked my email this morning to find a message from the dating website that I had five new matches. Let's go check 'em out!
When I click on the link to show me how brilliant they are in matching me up with someone, I am immediately shown my first possible match. What I get is a snippet of his profile. It gives me his age (47), weight (about average), relationship status (currently separated), if he has kids (yes, and they live away from home), if he drinks (social), if he smokes (occasionally), and his religion (Atheist). (I am purposefully leaving out race/ethnicity as that isn't a factor for me.) Except for the Atheist, so far so good. I can overlook the religion thing for now.
Then I get to the part where he writes his own bio. He says he uses both sides of his brain. That's original. He can't tolerate stupidity, cowardice, racism or religious fanaticism. Who can? He says he doesn't watch much TV but then says there is no God, but Stewie comes close. Hmmmm.... I find it interesting that he feels there is no God, but capitalized God. Leads me to believe that he was raised with some kind of religion. Most atheists don't capitalize god, since they don't believe he exists. (Do you see the difference from God to god?) Anyway, moving on....
He says he LOVES movies. That's promising. I LOVE movies! Oh but wait! He says he wrote a screenplay that got praise from an Academy Award winning actress. Is he singing his own praises or bragging? Makes me think he's a bit of a peacock, this one. Let's keep reading. Oh, AND he made a few short films at the NY Film Academy. He's committed to writing another screenplay and producing it himself. Interesting. Sounds like whoever decides to be in his life will have to play second fiddle to his career. That's something to take into consideration.
He says he's very social. Wants to go out a lot, he said. He says the most important attributes a woman can have is intelligence, sense of humor, kindness and honesty. And if you speak Spanish or French, even better as he needs the practice. LOL
He likes going to punk and alternative concerts. Music interest is similar. A few of his favorite things: Love to play guitar, read thought provoking articles, take cruises, snorkel. Meet interesting people. Walk in great cities. Beautiful white sandy beaches and turquoise water.
He sounds a bit like a romantic, but it seems to me he's trying too hard to impress. A peacock is the image I get. I'll give him a maybe for now and visit his full profile later.
Okay, 2nd option is 46 years old, about average, divorced, has children who live away from home, is a social drinker, non-smoker, catholic. I am immediately on guard because he doesn't smoke so he probably wants someone who doesn't smoke, and he's catholic. I wonder how catholic: practicing or non-practicing? He describes himself as confident, funny and candid. He loves to laugh. He loves to cook, visit SoCal, golf and play tennis. He is looking for the right person to share the rest of this journey with. Someone who is passionate and affectionate, is tired of the game playing and wants to be loved and cared for. This sounds almost too good to be true. Except for the catholic thing, and the fact that it appears he loves to play golf, he sounds really interesting. I will give him a maybe and visit his profile later.
Number three is slender, which tells me right off the bat he ain't looking for a fat woman. But here are the particulars: 48, divorced, no kids, social drinker, non-smoker, spiritual but not religious (which is what I put on my profile). From his bio, I am getting that he's a club hopper (favorite places to visit: 107 Lounge, Ghostbar, Silverton), probably doesn't make a lot of money (doesn't have cable cuz he's not interested in main stream TV - right), but wants to travel (interesting). Looking for a free spirit who is willing to share the journey together. And he's looking to fill a void (yes, he actually wrote that!). This guy is a definite NO. Now that I look at his picture better and think about it, I've looked at this guy's profile before. I think he came up in a search a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully putting a NO on him will get him out of the search database for me.
Number 4 is interesting already. His profile picture is a long distant shot of him sitting under a tree in a campground. So he wants to create the illusion that he's an outdoorsy type. Got it. When I look at his other photos, which I don't always do, (there are 9 of them), I see a nice sunset, a toy-hauler, an ATV, a picnic table at Redrock Canyon, a self-portrait taken with a phone in a mirror minus his head holding in his gut, one of him lounging on a couch with a little girl standing next to him (cutie), and a nice shot of the number 99 car driven by Carl Edwards which tells me he's a NASCAR fan. I think I might maybe this guy just because of that. But it seems odd that of the 10 photos he uploaded, he's only in 4 of them. That tells me he has low self-esteem. 41 years old, divorced, no kids, social drinker, non-smoker, spiritual but not religious. Why do they keep matching me with non-smokers?? His bio is short at sweet (very short). He's laid back and reserved. Wants his match to be her own person and not change for anyone. Likes back yard BBQ's, and attends all NASCAR and NHRA events. I'm definitely going to maybe this guy and look at his profile.
Two things pop out at me with number 5. One, he has no picture .. why? Two, he's LDS. NO WAY. I already know I'm going to say no, and would have, but I'll give you his particulars, just cuz I know you're curious. 37, athletic and toned, never married, no kids, drinks moderately, smokes occasionally. I could never do this bio the justice that it deserves, so I'm just going to copy and paste it so that you can read it for yourself: "This is my favorite part,I want a woman thats down to earth,that likes to feel sexy,and not afraid to be herself.a woman that dont think shes better than the human race but knows what shes worth.Life has its ups and downs i truly under stand,but with me my sole mission is to make u feel that when u with me there are no downs only highs.And with that being said, "get with me". Sincerly,your PUSHER(love sex and magic)" I knew you'd get a kick out of that one!
Of those that I maybe'd, which, by the way, is quite a lot on this round, I am going to, without looking at his profile first, cuz that will sway my decision, email the NASCAR guy. In the email, I will say that I am also into NASCAR and attend those races as well. Then I'll ask him to check out my profile and hopefully he'll feel that we have something in common. I have a feeling, he's going to send me the "thanks but no thanks" response. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. After I send the email, I will check out his profile. It will tell me the particulars of what he's looking for.
Okay, his full profile, which gives even more information about him than the initial search match, says he has blond hair and blue eyes, exercises 5 or more times a week, his occupation is Political / Govt / Civil Service / Military, and he earns over $100K a year. He's a Sagittarius, owns a dog, and his politics are middle of the road. I like that he owns a dog and his sign says that we are kind of compatible in the astrological world. I wonder what kind of exercising he does 5 or more times a week; gym, walking the dog, or part of his work?
He's looking for a woman between 5' and 6' who is athletic and toned, slender, about average, curvy, or has a few extra pounds. A social drinker who smokes but is trying to quit; who is white, asian, latino/hispanic, or a pacific islander. And it says he was on about an hour ago. So he's fairly active in here. That means I could get my answer fairly quickly.
So, now I wait for his "thanks but no thanks" which I am sure is what he's going to say... if he's going to say anything at all. He could just decide to ignore my email, especially once he looks at my profile.
The suspense is killing me!
When I click on the link to show me how brilliant they are in matching me up with someone, I am immediately shown my first possible match. What I get is a snippet of his profile. It gives me his age (47), weight (about average), relationship status (currently separated), if he has kids (yes, and they live away from home), if he drinks (social), if he smokes (occasionally), and his religion (Atheist). (I am purposefully leaving out race/ethnicity as that isn't a factor for me.) Except for the Atheist, so far so good. I can overlook the religion thing for now.
Then I get to the part where he writes his own bio. He says he uses both sides of his brain. That's original. He can't tolerate stupidity, cowardice, racism or religious fanaticism. Who can? He says he doesn't watch much TV but then says there is no God, but Stewie comes close. Hmmmm.... I find it interesting that he feels there is no God, but capitalized God. Leads me to believe that he was raised with some kind of religion. Most atheists don't capitalize god, since they don't believe he exists. (Do you see the difference from God to god?) Anyway, moving on....
He says he LOVES movies. That's promising. I LOVE movies! Oh but wait! He says he wrote a screenplay that got praise from an Academy Award winning actress. Is he singing his own praises or bragging? Makes me think he's a bit of a peacock, this one. Let's keep reading. Oh, AND he made a few short films at the NY Film Academy. He's committed to writing another screenplay and producing it himself. Interesting. Sounds like whoever decides to be in his life will have to play second fiddle to his career. That's something to take into consideration.
He says he's very social. Wants to go out a lot, he said. He says the most important attributes a woman can have is intelligence, sense of humor, kindness and honesty. And if you speak Spanish or French, even better as he needs the practice. LOL
He likes going to punk and alternative concerts. Music interest is similar. A few of his favorite things: Love to play guitar, read thought provoking articles, take cruises, snorkel. Meet interesting people. Walk in great cities. Beautiful white sandy beaches and turquoise water.
He sounds a bit like a romantic, but it seems to me he's trying too hard to impress. A peacock is the image I get. I'll give him a maybe for now and visit his full profile later.
Okay, 2nd option is 46 years old, about average, divorced, has children who live away from home, is a social drinker, non-smoker, catholic. I am immediately on guard because he doesn't smoke so he probably wants someone who doesn't smoke, and he's catholic. I wonder how catholic: practicing or non-practicing? He describes himself as confident, funny and candid. He loves to laugh. He loves to cook, visit SoCal, golf and play tennis. He is looking for the right person to share the rest of this journey with. Someone who is passionate and affectionate, is tired of the game playing and wants to be loved and cared for. This sounds almost too good to be true. Except for the catholic thing, and the fact that it appears he loves to play golf, he sounds really interesting. I will give him a maybe and visit his profile later.
Number three is slender, which tells me right off the bat he ain't looking for a fat woman. But here are the particulars: 48, divorced, no kids, social drinker, non-smoker, spiritual but not religious (which is what I put on my profile). From his bio, I am getting that he's a club hopper (favorite places to visit: 107 Lounge, Ghostbar, Silverton), probably doesn't make a lot of money (doesn't have cable cuz he's not interested in main stream TV - right), but wants to travel (interesting). Looking for a free spirit who is willing to share the journey together. And he's looking to fill a void (yes, he actually wrote that!). This guy is a definite NO. Now that I look at his picture better and think about it, I've looked at this guy's profile before. I think he came up in a search a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully putting a NO on him will get him out of the search database for me.
Number 4 is interesting already. His profile picture is a long distant shot of him sitting under a tree in a campground. So he wants to create the illusion that he's an outdoorsy type. Got it. When I look at his other photos, which I don't always do, (there are 9 of them), I see a nice sunset, a toy-hauler, an ATV, a picnic table at Redrock Canyon, a self-portrait taken with a phone in a mirror minus his head holding in his gut, one of him lounging on a couch with a little girl standing next to him (cutie), and a nice shot of the number 99 car driven by Carl Edwards which tells me he's a NASCAR fan. I think I might maybe this guy just because of that. But it seems odd that of the 10 photos he uploaded, he's only in 4 of them. That tells me he has low self-esteem. 41 years old, divorced, no kids, social drinker, non-smoker, spiritual but not religious. Why do they keep matching me with non-smokers?? His bio is short at sweet (very short). He's laid back and reserved. Wants his match to be her own person and not change for anyone. Likes back yard BBQ's, and attends all NASCAR and NHRA events. I'm definitely going to maybe this guy and look at his profile.
Two things pop out at me with number 5. One, he has no picture .. why? Two, he's LDS. NO WAY. I already know I'm going to say no, and would have, but I'll give you his particulars, just cuz I know you're curious. 37, athletic and toned, never married, no kids, drinks moderately, smokes occasionally. I could never do this bio the justice that it deserves, so I'm just going to copy and paste it so that you can read it for yourself: "This is my favorite part,I want a woman thats down to earth,that likes to feel sexy,and not afraid to be herself.a woman that dont think shes better than the human race but knows what shes worth.Life has its ups and downs i truly under stand,but with me my sole mission is to make u feel that when u with me there are no downs only highs.And with that being said, "get with me". Sincerly,your PUSHER(love sex and magic)" I knew you'd get a kick out of that one!
Of those that I maybe'd, which, by the way, is quite a lot on this round, I am going to, without looking at his profile first, cuz that will sway my decision, email the NASCAR guy. In the email, I will say that I am also into NASCAR and attend those races as well. Then I'll ask him to check out my profile and hopefully he'll feel that we have something in common. I have a feeling, he's going to send me the "thanks but no thanks" response. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. After I send the email, I will check out his profile. It will tell me the particulars of what he's looking for.
Okay, his full profile, which gives even more information about him than the initial search match, says he has blond hair and blue eyes, exercises 5 or more times a week, his occupation is Political / Govt / Civil Service / Military, and he earns over $100K a year. He's a Sagittarius, owns a dog, and his politics are middle of the road. I like that he owns a dog and his sign says that we are kind of compatible in the astrological world. I wonder what kind of exercising he does 5 or more times a week; gym, walking the dog, or part of his work?
He's looking for a woman between 5' and 6' who is athletic and toned, slender, about average, curvy, or has a few extra pounds. A social drinker who smokes but is trying to quit; who is white, asian, latino/hispanic, or a pacific islander. And it says he was on about an hour ago. So he's fairly active in here. That means I could get my answer fairly quickly.
So, now I wait for his "thanks but no thanks" which I am sure is what he's going to say... if he's going to say anything at all. He could just decide to ignore my email, especially once he looks at my profile.
The suspense is killing me!
17 September 2010
Dating websites
You know those dating websites that advertise on TV? The ones that claim they can match you up to someone who is perfect for you and you will live in harmony with until death do you part. Yeah, well, I joined one.
Originally, I joined it to help my brother who felt he needed the help finding a girlfriend, since he doesn't get out very much. He kept asking me about his profile. Did it sound okay; was there too much; not enough; why wasn't anyone responding, etc. I thought if I could read some of the other men's profiles and see what they were saying, I could find something that would work for him. So I registered but didn't subscribe.
Then, about three days later, I logged in and found that someone had left me an email. But in order for me to read it, I had to subscribe to their service. My mind immediately decided that it was the site admins welcoming me to their site, etc. So I didn't do anything about it. Well, in order to register for these sites, you have to have a valid email address. I gave them an old one that I only use for stuff like this but hardly ever check. I don't know why I did, but I finally went to that email and checked and the site sent me an email telling me who the email at their site was from, and it wasn't them. It was a man.
Well, that was it. Now I have to subscribe, because who would be desperate enough to want to email me? I call the number for subscribing (cuz my security system won't let me do it on-line with a credit card - said the site wasn't secure) and I tell them I only want to try it for a month. The price for a 6 month subscription is waaayyyy more than I want to pay, but I'm willing to shell out about forty bucks for a month. So he (the guy on the phone) tells me they will give me a 6 months subscription for half the original price (which ends up being about twenty bucks more than the monthly price) and that will include a guarantee. If I don't find a match in 6 months, I get 6 months free. Well, how can I pass that up?
So I've had so much fun reading profiles and winking men and reading emails, that I decided to share my experiences with you.
The first email I received basically said text or call me if you want to meet your new friend. I went ahead and put the contact into my phone. He also included his facebook address, so I went and found him on facebook and asked to be his friend. He accepted almost immediately. But I didn't call or text him right away. I think I held onto his number for about three days. Finally, I got up the nerve to text him. All I said was I had received an email from him inviting me to text him so here I am. He took about an hour getting back to me and by then it was about 8:30pm. We texted for nearly an hour when the normal chit chat turned to sexting. Then he asked me to voice him. Turns out, all he wanted was phone sex. He was, apparently, getting himself very worked up, and right in the middle of the conversation, he hung up on me.
So not a nice first experience. I've been with this site for more than 2 weeks now, and I've winked about 26 men and emailed about 10 of them. I've received 3 winks and 5 emails. The emails I receive all say the same thing: thanks but no thanks. Of the three winks, one was from another country, one is a bible thumper, and the other one lives in California. I haven't responded to the last two winks yet, but I told the one out of the country thanks but no thanks. I want to do the same with the guy in California, but something keeps stopping me. He looks like a nice guy, but is it really him? I thought about emailing him and seeing where that goes. But at the same time, I don't want him thinking that I'm willing to travel for a date. As far as the bible thumper goes, I haven't said anything to him yet cuz I winked him first. If I say thanks but no thanks now, I'll look like a hypocrite. But I swear the religious stuff that's on his profile now, wasn't on there when I winked him. Don't know why it wasn't there before. But I kind of have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to try to convert me to whatever his religion is. And I really don't want to go there. So he's just kind of sitting in limbo.
In order to qualify for the six month guarantee, I have to keep my profile visible, include a picture with my profile, and send at least 5 emails a month. I am on day 19 of 30 of month 1. I have met all of the requirements this month. And every day, they send me 5 new matches that I have to go through. I have to say yes, no or maybe on all my daily matches. Most of the matches they send me, I say no to. And they are basing my matches on a questionnaire I had to fill out upon registering with them. Either I answered the questions wrong, or they don't really use that method. Incidentally, the phone sex guy matched me 100%. Go figure.
42 people have viewed my profile 82 times so far. There are no new matches for me today. So tomorrow, or the next day ... when I get the new matches, I'll blog about the matches they give me, to give you an idea of what I'm weeding through. Let's have this experience together!
Originally, I joined it to help my brother who felt he needed the help finding a girlfriend, since he doesn't get out very much. He kept asking me about his profile. Did it sound okay; was there too much; not enough; why wasn't anyone responding, etc. I thought if I could read some of the other men's profiles and see what they were saying, I could find something that would work for him. So I registered but didn't subscribe.
Then, about three days later, I logged in and found that someone had left me an email. But in order for me to read it, I had to subscribe to their service. My mind immediately decided that it was the site admins welcoming me to their site, etc. So I didn't do anything about it. Well, in order to register for these sites, you have to have a valid email address. I gave them an old one that I only use for stuff like this but hardly ever check. I don't know why I did, but I finally went to that email and checked and the site sent me an email telling me who the email at their site was from, and it wasn't them. It was a man.
Well, that was it. Now I have to subscribe, because who would be desperate enough to want to email me? I call the number for subscribing (cuz my security system won't let me do it on-line with a credit card - said the site wasn't secure) and I tell them I only want to try it for a month. The price for a 6 month subscription is waaayyyy more than I want to pay, but I'm willing to shell out about forty bucks for a month. So he (the guy on the phone) tells me they will give me a 6 months subscription for half the original price (which ends up being about twenty bucks more than the monthly price) and that will include a guarantee. If I don't find a match in 6 months, I get 6 months free. Well, how can I pass that up?
So I've had so much fun reading profiles and winking men and reading emails, that I decided to share my experiences with you.
The first email I received basically said text or call me if you want to meet your new friend. I went ahead and put the contact into my phone. He also included his facebook address, so I went and found him on facebook and asked to be his friend. He accepted almost immediately. But I didn't call or text him right away. I think I held onto his number for about three days. Finally, I got up the nerve to text him. All I said was I had received an email from him inviting me to text him so here I am. He took about an hour getting back to me and by then it was about 8:30pm. We texted for nearly an hour when the normal chit chat turned to sexting. Then he asked me to voice him. Turns out, all he wanted was phone sex. He was, apparently, getting himself very worked up, and right in the middle of the conversation, he hung up on me.
So not a nice first experience. I've been with this site for more than 2 weeks now, and I've winked about 26 men and emailed about 10 of them. I've received 3 winks and 5 emails. The emails I receive all say the same thing: thanks but no thanks. Of the three winks, one was from another country, one is a bible thumper, and the other one lives in California. I haven't responded to the last two winks yet, but I told the one out of the country thanks but no thanks. I want to do the same with the guy in California, but something keeps stopping me. He looks like a nice guy, but is it really him? I thought about emailing him and seeing where that goes. But at the same time, I don't want him thinking that I'm willing to travel for a date. As far as the bible thumper goes, I haven't said anything to him yet cuz I winked him first. If I say thanks but no thanks now, I'll look like a hypocrite. But I swear the religious stuff that's on his profile now, wasn't on there when I winked him. Don't know why it wasn't there before. But I kind of have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to try to convert me to whatever his religion is. And I really don't want to go there. So he's just kind of sitting in limbo.
In order to qualify for the six month guarantee, I have to keep my profile visible, include a picture with my profile, and send at least 5 emails a month. I am on day 19 of 30 of month 1. I have met all of the requirements this month. And every day, they send me 5 new matches that I have to go through. I have to say yes, no or maybe on all my daily matches. Most of the matches they send me, I say no to. And they are basing my matches on a questionnaire I had to fill out upon registering with them. Either I answered the questions wrong, or they don't really use that method. Incidentally, the phone sex guy matched me 100%. Go figure.
42 people have viewed my profile 82 times so far. There are no new matches for me today. So tomorrow, or the next day ... when I get the new matches, I'll blog about the matches they give me, to give you an idea of what I'm weeding through. Let's have this experience together!
15 September 2010
Raising a teenager is not so easy after all!
Being a Mom is not the easiest job in the world, especially if you have more than one child. Having to deal with more than one personality type, and trying to figure out what will work with each type, is kind of like learning to be a mother all over again, for each child. What works for one, will not work for another. And then, they start becoming teenagers!
When I started having children, at first I thought I was only going to have one. When I remarried and realized I was going to be having more, I made the conscience decision to space them at least 5 years apart. My middle child, in birth as in life, didn't want to cooperate and didn't make it an even 5,5,5... He's off by one year. But there are 10 years and 10 days between the first and the last. It wasn't until I had the last child (my third) that I realized from the birth of the first to the 18th birthday of the last, I will have had children in my home for 28 years and thought, "what was I thinking?" But now that I am dealing with my oldest, who is now 17 years old, I am once again glad that I chose to space them apart.
I believe that my mother cursed me when I was a teenager and she was at her wits end. She said to me, in a moment of frustration, "I hope when you have kids, you have all boys and they turn out worse than you and your brother!!!" With each pregnancy, hoping and praying for a girl but discovering that I was having a boy, I knew that my mother's curse was going to come to fruition. So, I've been bracing myself for the tough times that were sure to come.... because I remember what we were like as teenagers with me being the emotional one and my brother being the manipulative lying one, and I just knew I was going to be in trouble!!
My oldest, who has been in what is generally considered the troubled teen years for two years now, has not been much of a problem. In fact, he's been so easy to deal with, that for just a few moments, I thought maybe the curse wasn't going to be that bad. But alas, I was wrong. Turns out, he's just a late bloomer.
Apparently, he's in love. Of course, you and I know that this isn't true love... not yet. But he's so desperately in love that he wants to spend every spare moment with her. I mean, what teenage boy who has lost his heart wouldn't want to spend every spare moment with the person of his affections? The problem is that she lives on the other side of town... and I mean, waaaayyyyyy on the other side of town. When he takes the bus to see her, it takes him 2 to 3 hours to get there. Also, she's older than he is, and apparently has children. As a mother, my first instinct is to say no! I want to protect him from the fall that is inevitably coming. But as a student of Novus, I know that this experience is in his path for a reason and he needs to follow his path. Also, he's almost an adult and will have to go this alone very soon so I have to learn to let go. Trying to be a fair and reasonable mother, I tried to come to an agreement with him. I told him, if he could act like an adult, with adult responsibilities, then I would concede to letting him spend time with her as long as we don't have anything else on the schedule. He said he could agree to that.
Then, while I was at open house last night with the two younger boys, he texts me... "you said if I was going to sneak out I should just go out the front the door and I won't get into trouble." I immediately become suspicious. First of all, that's not at all what I said, but I understand that as a teenage boy, that's what he heard. Second, I have a good idea I know where he's going ... or where he wants to go. But, being of an open mind, I text back, "where are you going?" He texts, "Jenns." I blow a gasket! Now I have to call him because everything that I want to say will not fit into one text. Plus I can't type fast enough on a phone to satisfy my growing anger. The first thing out of my mouth is, "that's not a very adult decision, don't you think?" I ended the phone call with, "You are still my son, you are still a minor and I am still responsible for you. You are absolutely not going out tonight and we'll talk about it when I get home." Of course, I wasn't calm when I said it. As soon as I got home and walked in the door, I said, "What do you want me to do? Throw my hands up in the air and say okay whatever you want to do is okay with me? Cuz that's not gonna happen!" I won't go through the entire conversation, but I will say this: There was a lot of yelling (on my part), a lot of tears (on his part) and I found myself wishing my mother hadn't cursed me!
And all the while, I keep thinking, "I have to do this two more times???" Out loud what I said was, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!" I seem to recall having said that when I was a teenager. Talk about coming full circle!
When I started having children, at first I thought I was only going to have one. When I remarried and realized I was going to be having more, I made the conscience decision to space them at least 5 years apart. My middle child, in birth as in life, didn't want to cooperate and didn't make it an even 5,5,5... He's off by one year. But there are 10 years and 10 days between the first and the last. It wasn't until I had the last child (my third) that I realized from the birth of the first to the 18th birthday of the last, I will have had children in my home for 28 years and thought, "what was I thinking?" But now that I am dealing with my oldest, who is now 17 years old, I am once again glad that I chose to space them apart.
I believe that my mother cursed me when I was a teenager and she was at her wits end. She said to me, in a moment of frustration, "I hope when you have kids, you have all boys and they turn out worse than you and your brother!!!" With each pregnancy, hoping and praying for a girl but discovering that I was having a boy, I knew that my mother's curse was going to come to fruition. So, I've been bracing myself for the tough times that were sure to come.... because I remember what we were like as teenagers with me being the emotional one and my brother being the manipulative lying one, and I just knew I was going to be in trouble!!
My oldest, who has been in what is generally considered the troubled teen years for two years now, has not been much of a problem. In fact, he's been so easy to deal with, that for just a few moments, I thought maybe the curse wasn't going to be that bad. But alas, I was wrong. Turns out, he's just a late bloomer.
Apparently, he's in love. Of course, you and I know that this isn't true love... not yet. But he's so desperately in love that he wants to spend every spare moment with her. I mean, what teenage boy who has lost his heart wouldn't want to spend every spare moment with the person of his affections? The problem is that she lives on the other side of town... and I mean, waaaayyyyyy on the other side of town. When he takes the bus to see her, it takes him 2 to 3 hours to get there. Also, she's older than he is, and apparently has children. As a mother, my first instinct is to say no! I want to protect him from the fall that is inevitably coming. But as a student of Novus, I know that this experience is in his path for a reason and he needs to follow his path. Also, he's almost an adult and will have to go this alone very soon so I have to learn to let go. Trying to be a fair and reasonable mother, I tried to come to an agreement with him. I told him, if he could act like an adult, with adult responsibilities, then I would concede to letting him spend time with her as long as we don't have anything else on the schedule. He said he could agree to that.
Then, while I was at open house last night with the two younger boys, he texts me... "you said if I was going to sneak out I should just go out the front the door and I won't get into trouble." I immediately become suspicious. First of all, that's not at all what I said, but I understand that as a teenage boy, that's what he heard. Second, I have a good idea I know where he's going ... or where he wants to go. But, being of an open mind, I text back, "where are you going?" He texts, "Jenns." I blow a gasket! Now I have to call him because everything that I want to say will not fit into one text. Plus I can't type fast enough on a phone to satisfy my growing anger. The first thing out of my mouth is, "that's not a very adult decision, don't you think?" I ended the phone call with, "You are still my son, you are still a minor and I am still responsible for you. You are absolutely not going out tonight and we'll talk about it when I get home." Of course, I wasn't calm when I said it. As soon as I got home and walked in the door, I said, "What do you want me to do? Throw my hands up in the air and say okay whatever you want to do is okay with me? Cuz that's not gonna happen!" I won't go through the entire conversation, but I will say this: There was a lot of yelling (on my part), a lot of tears (on his part) and I found myself wishing my mother hadn't cursed me!
And all the while, I keep thinking, "I have to do this two more times???" Out loud what I said was, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!" I seem to recall having said that when I was a teenager. Talk about coming full circle!
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