It's not something about which we give a lot of thought. I mean, obviously if you're a parent, you are accustomed to being a caregiver. But caring for an elderly person is somewhat different than caring for a child.
For instance, children are learning things for the first time and you get to be their teacher. Whereas older persons have already learned as much as they want to learn and are set in their ways. That presents quite a challenge at times. Especially if the person receiving the care has a good day. One in which she feels like a healthy, younger person. It is not unusual for her to resort to her old ways, which can sometimes be a pain in the arse. Especially if her old ways were bossy ways.
I mention this because I am currently caring for my aunt, who sometimes appears much older than her 66 years. On her bad days, she spends most of her days sleeping and moaning in pain and there's nothing I can do for her that will help or please her. She just wants to be left alone. But on her good days, she directs me to do things at an almost constant pace. I will just sit down to relax when an idea strikes her and she asks me (or more accurately tells me) to do something else. Some days she will have me on my feet nearly the entire time I'm with her and she'll say to me, "And you just thought you were going to relax." Which makes me smile, because this is the Aunt that I love and remember.
There was a time when she would make me frustrated with all of her demands. But her good days are so infrequent, that it actually makes me smile and my heart sing. And her good days have become my good days. I can actually feel the difference in my mood and my spirit on her good days. I feel more up, more alive, more happy when she is awake and talkative with no pain.
Most of my days are spent sitting quietly in the corner of the room reading or knitting or facebooking from my phone, watching her sleep or paying attention to what the nurses are doing. And I talk to her other visitors: my parents, my aunt Carol (her older sister), my uncle, and her son when he can make it down there, and her brother and sister in law. And when her sisters are there, they will ask her if there's something they can do for her, and she will snap at them when she's not feeling well. It's actually quite funny.
When she's having a painful moment, she will lean to one side and sometimes it will look as though she is looking for something. If the sisters are there, they will ask her, "Is there something you need?" or "What can I get for you?" And invariably she will say, "Nothing. If I want something I will ask you for it." And not in a nice way, either. I mean, would you be a nice person if you were in a lot of pain? I smile when she says this. Because I have been there long enough to know that she's not looking for anything, nor does she want anything, other than for the pain to go away. And when her pain is really bad, all she really wants is to be left alone anyway.
So I sit quietly and wait for her to ask for something. And sometimes I wonder if she realizes that I'm in the room. But then, she'll say something like, "I need some ice." or "Is it time for my pain shot?" out of the blue and I know that she knows that I'm there. Which makes me feel better. Because she doesn't even have to check to see if I am there. She knows that I will get her whatever she needs or wants. And she knows that I am taking care of her.... or rather, giving her care.
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